Me and my mother

Me and my mother

MY CHILDHOOD

I was born in Guyana, South America of Indian descent. My childhood was fun with many aunts and uncles to dote on my sister and me. We were the first two nieces, given my mother is the eldest of 12 siblings. I recall very little of those years mostly feeling that I was going through the motions of life with an underlying feeling of being disconnected.

I felt like I was floating above it all. It was only later that I realized this inner feeling that was there since I was a child were the questions about life – who am I and why am I here? 

MY TEENAGE AND COLLEGE YEARS

Me in my party days

Me in my party days

I was an average student as a teenager. I disliked studying and wanted to be with people. I recall my mother telling me, "why are you smiling at the strangers?". I didn’t know then, that I had a connection to people from their Self; that I had a gift to "see" beyond the human experience … to the inner essence of who we are.

I went to college unsure of what I wanted to do with my life. I dedicated a lot of time to making friends and became a part of the international groups. This was more important to me than my classes. It was only later that I understood what I was seeking – the Self of another.

 

LIFE AFTER COLLEGE

Me at my first job

Me at my first job

My dating life was in turmoil. I sought to be loved while feeling totally unworthy. You see, in my life I was taught to measure my success by how good I was in school … and knowing what I wanted to do in my life. Because I didn’t have good grades and I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do with my life, the experience of my life made me feel unworthy. By this time how to live a successful life was embedded in me: build a great career, be financially successful, get married to an amazing person, have a family and live happily ever after. Having no desire to follow that path no matter how hard I tried, my inner turmoil remained – who am I and why am I here?

I began to read many books seeking to "find" myself. I left many jobs in pursuit of the next hoping this one may finally be it. I always felt like I was trying to fit into life rather than having the experience of knowing who I was in my life. I worked as a recruiter in the hospitality industry and experienced financial success but quit when it was ready to take off as a solid future. I moved more than 4 times in 4 years. I stayed in relationships because I didn’t want to be alone. I walked a path of seeking trying to figure out where to go to find my true Self. I was the life of the party and strived to make everyone happy. None of it worked – I still felt disconnected from life and why I was here. I just knew that I wanted to be Me and that was the only thing that mattered.

THE TURNING POINT IN MY LIFE

Me at my goodbye party

Me at my goodbye party

At 31 years I pulled the plug on my job, relationships and friends and went to live with my mother. I was drained, exhausted, used up and felt like I was walking on glass. For 3 months, my mother and I would go to the herb store to buy herbs to make tea as she nursed me back to life. I knew this was a turning point in my life. No matter how much I tried I could not go back to the life I had lived, the jobs I had done … this knowing brought me to new place.

I took a job in the transformation of people’s lives. For 10 years I did this and it was the most "purposeful" experience I had thus far but it still didn’t fulfill the experience of being the ME that I knew was there since I was a child. Eventually, I left that job too.

My Connecting space

My Connecting space

With nowhere to go I finally realized that the answers I sought since I was a child to the questions -  who I am and why I am here? did not exist outside of me.  

I could not make myself do another job, or try another thing in the world.  I was paralyzed. I had no answers. I was stuck.

Each day I went into my mediation room and sat there with nothing, no answers, nowhere to go, nothing in the physical world to give me any direction, just a profound awareness that I was here to bring my true Self to life, not go into life to find myself.  I knew that the only purpose of my life was to be Me and I didn’t know how to do that.

MY REVELATION — DISCOVERING CONNECTING TO MY SELF

It was then that something unusual, different and revolutionary occurred. I felt within me a stirring, an energy, a communication that I heard as clearly as I hear my mind’s thoughts. In that same moment I heard the mind’s thoughts, I heard another voice, which I now know to be my Self. An epiphany occurred – “I understood that these are 2 separate parts of me that I never knew existed.”

In that moment I had an experience of Connecting to my Self and became filled with a profound love for "who I am" which I now know to be my Self.  I knew what I heard was coming from my Self, and finally felt at peace in knowing I could now access who I am and why I am here.

In that moment I had a profound awareness that I have a Mind – BUT -  it is not who I am. I got clearly that when the answers in life come from my Self through Connecting the life I want to have will unfold.

I was in the joy of knowing that I could now create the life I wanted and live each moment of ‘now’ being my true Self no matter what situations arose in my life. I understood that this is where I will find true satisfaction, fulfillment and happiness in my life.

Since this moment I have seen life through another lens. I experienced the Self of another as "real." I have been living in a new awareness that each person has a Self and a mind and when their actions in life come from their Self the life they want will unfold.
I have also become connected to the profound truth that the paradigm of the mind will ‘always’ create a life of lack, concern, worry, fear, separation and disconnect and no matter what we pursue in life …when we get to the end there will be an experience of “what was my life really about – did I do what I came here for.” 

I knew in this moment that this awareness of our Self as who we are, is the missing link to real happiness. 

I have since seen that we have no control over what happens to us in our life BUT when we get the clarity, guidance and actions from our Self what has occurred becomes a new opening to live from our Self and bring into existence who we are and why we are here.

MY LIFE AFTER I BEGAN CONNECTING

I have recalled some of the specific situations in my life that have occurred since I began Connecting. I can spend days talking to you about the full and intrinsic experience of my life now, living free from the concerns, worries and fears of a life lived from my mind. It is only through the clarity, guidance and actions I took from Connecting to my Self, that I have the life that I want.

 

I GOT MARRIED

From my mind I never wanted to be vulnerable or have someone feel that I needed them. This was my mind’s decision about relationships and I settled into being okay with being alone for the rest of my life. After many, many years of playing the dating game, I got to the point where no one was "it." I had run the gamut, from dating a caring, giving person to dating others who cared only about themselves and where I felt used, not heard or not known for who I was.

These experiences affirmed my mind’s beliefs and conversations that finding someone I wanted to share my life with was never going to happen. This was so real from my mind that I felt that I never wanted to get married. It just never crossed my mind that this is what I wanted, or if it did, it quickly disappeared as my mind knew that it has always going to be "hopeless." From my mind’s decision I would be "trapped" in a marriage and "have to give up being me.’’

Me and my husband

Me and my husband

After several years I stopped ‘dating’ and settled into giving all of myself to my work in transforming the lives of others. It was then that I met my now husband Paul. I had committed myself to my journey of fulfilling my purpose. This was now my work and having a relationship was in the background of my life. When I met him I found myself being the way I always was in relationships – "I don’t need anyone," "I’ll make it on my own," "I don’t need you." I was unaware of how strong my mind was about these decisions I had played out in relationships. I just knew that Paul seemed to be up to the same commitment I had to life – making a difference for others– and that was good enough for me. We began dating and I told him that I wasn’t looking to get married and I was ok with just hanging out and having fun together.

As the months went by and I was Connecting to my Self I began to experience releasing my mind’s beliefs about how I felt and what I believed to be true. I began to have a different experience of myself and what I wanted for my life. For the first time I became aware of what I really wanted, my truth, and it was different from what my mind had been defining as me all along.

In Connecting I got that I wanted to have a partner in my life and get married.  I knew that this wasn’t about going out to "get" a partner BUT that this was "who I really was" and this was what would have me be true to myself. It was the opposite of how I had lived all my life. It was a revelation of the real me. I began a new experience of how I saw myself and the journey of my life. I also knew that if I never got married this lifetime it was ok too. I had now "spoken" my truth as I released my mind’s conversations and decisions.

I trusted and took the actions I got. I shared this with my boyfriend (now husband), whom I  had told I wasn’t interested in ever getting married. Needless to say, as he shares the story, he was shocked as he was very happy with my original conversation of let’s just have fun together.  

Fast forward to today, we just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. Being in a partnership has been one of my most rewarding experience of my life. Without having the tools of Connecting and releasing my mind’s conversations I would easily return to ‘I don’t need you’, I’ll make it one my own’, don’t tell me what to do’ etc. It has been and continues to be a practice of disengaging my mind’s conversations that are always there defining how I feel and what’s not ok in my relationship. Throughout it all, we have forged a partnership of oneness that is a bond that is unbreakable. It is a gift to ongoingly keep my heart open as I release all of the ways that my mind wants to keep me removed and separate unable to experience how much I am loved and honored by my husband.

CREATING A PARTNERSHIP OF LOVE AND HONOR

My mind’s conversation in relationships is to leave. I don’t need anyone and no one’s going to tell me what to do. Over the course of my marriage there has been countless times when from my mind the conversations were – ‘something’s wrong’, “I didn’t sign up for this’, how could he do X’, I don’t need this bulls***’. It came frequently, loudly, clearly and was very real.

As I disengaged my mind’s conversation, conclusions, assessments and actions about the situations whatever was happening became a new opening for me to be more of my Self with my husband, rather than where my mind goes to evaluate, assess and tell me how I feel about him and what’s occurring. This was a huge paradigm shift. It always came back to me, to see what my mind was saying about what was happening and releasing that to go to my Self for ‘what there was to know’. This was monumental because there were so many things over the years that occurred – not only incidents but situations that lasted decades – that seemed out of my control in my marriage.

Here are a few things that occurred in my journey of creating a lasting partnership of honor and love as I went to Connecting for clarity, guidance and actions.

For example, Paul loves so many things, golf, boating, fishing, football, having tikki bar parties on our dock, building stuff, planting his rose garden and more… I have no interest in any of those things. My mind was always in a turmoil. For years my mind always said – ‘he doesn’t have time for you’, ‘this isn’t what you want in a partner’, ‘are you really happy with all of this? Over time because I was Connecting these thoughts diminished and even disappeared. I no longer defined what was happening as a truth about what was occurring. I found myself just being with him for who he is and experiencing him through the things he loved. I even began to share in some of these things which brought a new level of fun and joy to my life. How much time he spent doing other things was no longer in the forefront of our partnership and journey but rather a closeness and love emerged that isn’t from the concept of love but the honoring of another.

One last example to demonstrate how Connecting creates the life you want.

The statue from Greece

The statue from Greece

We were on a trip in Greece and in a store I saw a statue of 2 faces, male and female with the word DEVOTION at the bottom. I passed by it with only a glance. These are things I don’t pay attention to – from my mind it’s too ‘mushy’ and ‘not realistic’. In an instant I heard the clarity and guidance from my Self that said – buy it. This was startling because this would never be something that would come from my mind. I took the action and bought it. I brought it home and simply put it on some shelf. A few weeks later I was home and one of those moments occurred where a situation in our relationship triggered my mind’s conversation of ‘I don’t need this s***”. That evening in Connecting, I heard the clarity and guidance from my Self that said – ‘Put the statue on your desk. Look up the definition of the word Devotion, write it down and keep it on your desk. Look at it every day and bring this definition to your relationship with Paul’.

Because I live from trusting and Acting from my Self I took these actions. This was the most foreign thing I could do – the statue didn’t make sense to me and the word devotion was non-existent for me in being with any human being.

Over a period of time I noticed that I began to see Paul through another lens, almost like a filter was removed from how he occurred for me. My mind wasn’t triggered as easily. As a matter of fact many things disappeared about what my mind would make ‘wrong’ about him or what he did or didn’t do. I began to see myself more about what I did or didn’t do that was a source of my disconnect. I began to become more aware of all that he was doing for me, the things he did daily to make my life comfortable and easy came to the forefront of our relationship. Our marriage took on a new level of honor for one another. As I shifted how I acted he also began to bring a new level of compassion and vulnerability to our partnership. I was in the presence of seeing him become more of his Self.

This is one of many such “guidances” that arose to act on from my Self.

I am in the joy of this life I get to share with him. I am in the honor of all that he the brings to my life and the gift that he is in my living my best and more magnificent journey. I am in the ‘knowing’ that whatever life brings our way we are ONE as we Connect and unfold the life we came this lifetime to share.

A LIFESTYLE CHANGE THAT WAS UNIMAGINABLE

Our boat at our home

Our boat at our home

I was looking to move to another home and began looking where I lived that was close to my family. I told my husband, "We will never move away from here because I will never be away from my family." Then in Connecting I got to move to Florida. Trusting what arose defined my mind’s logic and all the conversations about moving from NJ to Florida. I’m a ‘city’ girl and this would never ever be the decision I would make. A series of situations arose that was outside of my control and within a year we put a bid on a house (which I saw only in pictures and got to buy it from Connecting).

About 5 years after moving a friend was selling his boat and my husband asked me about buying it. I don’t swim well and never wanted to or cared about getting a boat and had told him this over and over again for over 5 years. I said "I don't want to." I saw, in a split second the ‘want’ in my husbands eyes and I immediately released my mind's conversations and said – “Ok let’s do it." I now share many experience of going out on the boat with family and friends which has revealed a level of happiness and fulfillment that I couldn’t have if I was just listening to my mind. I continued to release my mind’s drive that this isn’t where I should be living for over 5 years. This has allowed me to share the winters as times when my family comes to visit me. And, the rest of the year when I get to travel to the northeast for work and family occasions I get to spend time with them at their homes. Compared to when I was living here, the quality time I get to spend with them is so much greater than it was. I couldn’t imagine having it all, and this is what I now have.

A PROFOUND LOVE FOR MY FAMILY

Me with my siblings and my mother

Me with my siblings and my mother

Moving away from my family brought up my mind’s concerns about not being cared for or loved.  It was easy to drift apart as I experienced feeling that if I didn’t call, they weren’t thinking about me or didn’t really care. I continued to release my mind’s conversations, which were loud and very real. I Connected before my trips to visit and found myself releasing my mind’s thoughts to listen for the clarity, guidance and actions from my Self. These actions were to, “open my heart” and “be pure love”, “honor their Self’. These actions were void of any of my mind’s conversations of separation or disconnect. Over the years the experience of how much I love them and they love me grew.

Me and my father

Me and my father

I took frequent trips for work and stayed at my brother’s and sister’s as I continued to release my mind’s conversations of, “I don’t want to be a burden’, ‘I don’t want to be a problem’. My visits required them to drive me around, take me to the grocery store, the train station to go into the city and drive me to my friends, etc. These visits over a decade redefined my experience of each of my siblings. I am clear that my mind’s conversations and decisions would have had a different experience if I took the actions that came from my mind. Sure we know we love each other but the experience of sharing real joy, would be missing.

By trusting and acting on my Self’s clarity and guidance and actions the times we shared grew and over time as situations in our lives come up we could be open to sharing our lives beyond the typical dinners or get together where the superficial conversations happen. There is an active sharing of our lives that would not be available to me given the mind’s role of being separate and removed.  

I continue to Connect frequently and take the actions that I got – these actions have brought me the kind of real happiness and fulfillment that cannot be measured when life is organized around the assessments and conclusions from my mind. I let go of the past every time as I see any situation where my mind has been triggered with any of my family, by releasing my mind. I now live my life in the ‘knowing’ that I am loved and honored as a sister and daughter.

HOW I ALTERED MY HEALTH

Through frequently Connecting to my health I healed my body’s sustainability to getting colds or flus and built up my system where traveling frequently wasn’t a drain on my system. I have taken actions that I would never have, given the control of my mind in this area of my life. From my mind, I would eat chocolate and had a lifestyle of being an emotional eater. Through Connecting, I began to build a new awareness of the foods that aligned with my health and wellbeing. Food became a fuel for my body rather than a way to escape my life's challenges. I now live in an overall feeling of wellbeing as I get older and have shifted from my mind’s concern and worry to trusting what arises from my Self to act on.  

I stopped looking at all the shows that tell you what is now in, or the next thing you need to stay young or what to eat now to heal your body. I am informed by what is said but I find that when I Connect the clarity and guidance always speaks to what’s unique to my body. This has reduced stress, eliminated any experience of anxiousness, feeling scared, lost or fearful of the future. I am in the experience of being in control because the answers I seek always comes from my Self’s ‘inner knowing’ that centers me into where I am is ‘exactly’ where I am to be and ‘All is well’. I now live in a constant awareness of my body, how it feels and what supports it. Connecting around the area of my body isn’t because there is a problem but to continue to honor my body as a vessel for the journey of my Self. It is here that the energy of real peace arises and the experience of the physical part of me as outside of my control shifts. I am assured that I will be well as I take the actions I get from Connecting.

LOVING AND HONORING MY BODY

Me hanging out

Me hanging out

This has been a really big energy from my mind as the body is how our mind defines who we are.  As a child, I always compared myself to my sister who was taller than I was, was slimmer than I was and always had a flair for dressing and looking beautiful. This set the decision from my mind about how I felt about my body – something was always wrong with it. As a teenager and young adult I used food to escape the feeling of being inadequate and I always felt it was impossible to honor and love myself. Since Connecting, I have fallen in love with myself. Not from the outside but from not feeling deflated by how much I weigh that day, or when I totally go off my diet, or just with how I look – I no longer have thoughts that disempower any part of me and live in loving myself as I am.

This journey doesn’t end, it’s not a destination but an ongoing shift in awareness as I Connect for the daily and weekly clarity, guidance and actions I get to take. I am more in the forgiveness of those actions that aren’t aligned with honoring my body and releasing the shouldn’t, ought to, and what’s wrong with me that’s always on the surface of my mind’s conversations. From my mind I only see what’s wrong with me. Loving myself is not a concept but a moment by moment awareness that shapes what I eat, when I eat, what I wear and how I feel about myself while forgiving and loving myself when I do things that don’t honor my body. This was never going to happen for me. It is truly a gift to be free from the mind’s ongoing thoughts about what’s not ok or wrong with how I look and feel.

FINDING PEACE IN UNCERTAIN TIMES

My book got published in 2014

My book got published in 2014

The real estate market collapsed and our house like many others went upside down in it’s value. We bought our house at the height of the boom and paid way beyond where our house was then valued. The banks would not work with us as the deficit was too great. For over 5 years I Connected, Listened, Trusted and Acted and kept getting to stay in our home. This was excruciating to Trust given the banks were closing in on foreclosing on our home and there was no evidence that it would go any other way. I continued to get actions like – call your lawyer, send the papers, stay in your home, all is well, trust, …while dealing with the mind’s decisions and pull to call it quits. These actions truly felt like we were acting in a vacuum as there no glimmer of hope during these years that it would ‘turn out’.

At some point the mind diminished it’s control of defining the future and a new experience of trusting that no matter what happens 'All will be well' became available to us. Free from worry and concern I found myself stepping into what I was led to do -  leading our programs, publishing my book, leading workshops and one-on-one training calls. After passing our home mortgage to 3 separate entities, we finally have an agreement that honors where our home's value is now. When that occurred it wasn’t a feeling of relief or now life’s ok – we were already living in ‘all is well’, it simply was another experience of having the life we want.

DISCOVERING AND LIVING MY PURPOSE

My book and audio display at an event

My book and audio display at an event

Leaving the work I did in transforming lives was the hardest decision I made in trusting and acting from my Self. I couldn’t imagine doing anything else that gave me purpose in my life. I worked with many who I spent years sharing a common vision for a future for humanity and we shared a love for each other that was unlike anywhere else that I could work. When I got in Connecting to leave it took me months to take the final step of ‘trusting and completing’ that journey.  Immediately after I left I got in Connecting to form our company, the Delphi Connection. I took that action. A few years after that an unusual situation occurred where someone who knew my husband contacted him to do a trade in their business. They were a branding company. In defining the trade we decided to brand the workshops I had been leading and the work of Connecting. In the brand they chose to call the website INDIRA. This triggered my mind’s conversations about how this wasn’t going to work and this isn’t how it should be. I continued to battle my mind’s control about this for the next 2 years. I knew the way I spoke and shared this message in my workshops, conference and one-on-one coaching but to embrace INDIRA as a business was foreign to my mind.

Me at a book signing

Me at a book signing

At the same time my mind was constantly having conversations that I needed to get some kind of degree in this field so people can take me seriously. Every time I Connected I got to continue to take the actions from my Self. I then got in Connecting to give myself the title of CEO and President. It felt strange but I trusted and acted on the clarity and guidance that came from my Self. Then within a year the INDIRA team came into existence. A team of 5 people who got from Connecting that they are here to bring this out to the masses with me. We became partners in making this real in the world.

I then got to write and publish my book which to date has been read by people across the U.S. and in over 10 countries. I have since gotten emails from people all over the world who shared with me how the practice of Connecting has profoundly changed their lives.

I led events and book signings around the country and did several talks shows. I have seen many people that worked one-on-one with me move on with their lives and created a life of freedom, fulfillment, satisfaction and real peace as they began to release their mind to trust their Self in different areas of their life.

Me at a Connecting event in NYC

Me at a Connecting event in NYC

I led our corporate programs for the past 10 years with my husband and experienced the impact that CEO’s and Executives are making in leading their company from a new business paradigm of having their actions come from honoring their peers and workers while tending to fulfilling the results in their business.

I now got for us to relaunch the INDIRA website with a designed structured training program where anyone anywhere in the world can begin Connecting and have direct access to me through audio and video training. This is a reality that could never occur from my mind. A true fulfillment of honoring – who I am and why I am here.

Many time over this past 10 years I confronted my mind’s conversations of, “this is taking too long”, or “this is never going to happen” or “I just don’t want to”, or “no one will get what you are saying”. But as I stayed in the practice of Connecting my experience of my life has expanded. My mind has very little say about what actions I take. I know that by trusting and acting from the clarity, guidance and actions from my Self I CAN and Will have the life I want.

 

There isn’t anything I do in life that doesn’t come from Connecting first.

I’m not stopping until this is available to every single person on the planet – this is my life’s mission.

I am proud to have INDIRA be a place where YOU can begin to get clarity, guidance and actions from your Self and have the life you want.